Long Distance and
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Transportation methods and costs for out of state visitation are something that should be decided on in advance. By adding this information to your parenting plan, you can help prevent confusion and disagreements later down the road. If you and your ex will live relatively close to each other, both of you can drive half-way to exchange your child. If a longer distance is involved, flying is the most logical approach if your child is old enough. Generally, airlines won't let children under the age of 5 fly alone, so an adult will have to accompany the child in these instances.
For more information about long-distance visitation, read the following questions and answer:
- How is long-distance visitation handled?
- Would the court approve long-distance visitation for a toddler?
- What if he won't allow our son to fly by himself?
- Can we modify visitation due to the high travel expenses?
- Will I have to share travel expenses if my ex moves?
- Will visitation change if he moves to another country?
- How is visitation handled if the Dad lives in a foreign country?
How is long distance visitation handled?
Marie's Question: If we get divorced, I want to move to Texas to live with my mother. My husband would want to move to Pennsylvania to live with his family. How would visitation work if we live hundreds of miles from each other? I can't picture sending my two toddlers on a plane to spend summers with him.
Brette's Answer: Visitation can work lots of ways. He could fly down and stay with them. You could both drive and meet halfway. When they are older they could fly to him. You have to commit to helping them have a relationship with him which may mean some inconvenience for you. » Return to top
Would the court approve long-distance visitation for a toddler?
May's Question: My child's father lives about 4 hours away. He wants to modify visitation so that it occurs where he lives. I am not agreeing to this as it is too much traveling for a child that is only 19 months old. I am not preventing the father from seeing the child, but he should come here to do so. Is there any chance the father will win this case?
Brette's Answer: The court will consider all the factors - such as how frequent the visits are, what kind of relationship the father and child have, and what has been the plan up until now. I agree that four hours is a long way for a one and a half year old, however, if it was once a month, it might not be a problem, particularly if transportation times can coincide with nap times. » Return to top
What if my ex won't allow our son to fly by himself?
Erica's Question: My ex and my son live in Texas (where our divorce took place), and I moved to Wisconsin to be near my family. Our son is now 9, and I want to buy him a plane ticket to come here for our visitation. His dad won't allow him to fly alone, claiming he isn't mature enough to fly by himself. I have talked to my son about it and he says he will be alright, and I believe he is ready. Is there anything I can do to get my ex-husband to allow my son to fly here (if I pay for the tickets) so that we have more time together?
Brette's Answer: If your ex will not agree (and if you help him understand the assistance airlines will provide to minors I think he might agree), your only choice is to go to court to ask to have your visitation enforced with provision that your child can fly alone.
Can we modify visitation due to the high travel costs?
Melissa's Question: With the changes in gas prices, can I change the children's exchanges...I drive every other weekend, 560 miles. Its driving me broke! He could have a longer visitation during the summer.
Brette's Answer: As far as changing the schedule you've got to either get him to agree or go to court for the change. » Return to top
Will I have to share travel expenses if my ex moves?
Valerie's Question: My ex moved out of state and now wants me to pay for and make the travel arrangements for his visitation with the children. Is this considered reasonable and can I be penalized if I refuse? The original orders states that the father pays for visitation. Will the court order me to pay for the out of state visitation?
Brette's Answer: Since he is the one who moved, I do not think a court would find it to be reasonable to expect you to pay for and arrange travel for your child. » Return to top
Will visitation change if he moves to another country?
Stacy's Question: The non-custodial parent wants weekend/summer visitations to occur as usual after he moves to Mexico. Do I have to allow this?
Brette's Answer: No. If he moves, it changes things. You can either negotiate a new plan - for example summer visits might work out but weekend visits on a regular basis might be harder, depending on where you live. If you can't agree, you'll need to return to court. » Return to top
How is visitation set up if the Dad will be living in another country?
Celia's Question: My husband has been living with us in the US for about half of the year for the past 4 years. He says he will move back to his home country if we get a divorce. Obviously it would be difficult for the kids to be with him on the weekends. If he chooses to be there half the time and here half the time as he does now, how would custody be worked out. Would I have to send my kids out of the country to follow him?
Brette's Answer: You need to think creatively. Your husband could travel here and visit them for a period of time each year. You could plan for them to spend summers with him. They can talk on the phone, IM, email, and text each other to stay in touch. The key is to find a way for them to maintain a relationship while still allowing them to have a sense of permanency in one home. » Return to top
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Related Articles:
Changing Visitation Schedules
Summer Visitation Tips
Your Feelings About Visitation
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Ask the Legal Expert a question
Brette Sember is a former family and
matrimonial attorney and mediator, nationally recognized expert, and author of
many books including
The Divorce Organizer & Planner,
No-Fight Divorce, and
How To Parent With Your Ex.
This column provides general information about the various aspects of divorce. It is not intended to take the place of legal counsel and should not be considered personal legal advice. For specific recommendations concerning your situation, please retain experienced legal counsel. WomansDivorce.com and Brette Sember disclaim any liability from any claim arising from any information contained in this column. This column is not a substitute for legal advice.
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