These tips on how to survive a divorce can help you adopt the right attitude to help you get through your divorce. By taking charge of the divorce process, as well as your emotions, you can regain some control over your situation.
Managing a divorce is a process. You might be wondering if it's really possible to get a smart divorce and move on to a better life. The answer is yes - with a lot of hard work. Divorce is probably one of the most emotional experiences you will ever face. The process can be overwhelming. But, it need not be, if you are able to make your decisions with focus, hope and confidence.
Get informed about the divorce process. Take the time to find a matrimonial lawyer that is right for you. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Make sure to understand the dispute resolutions negotiation, mediation, collaborative family law, arbitration, mediation/arbitration and litigation. As best you can, try to treat your divorce as a business transaction; keep the emotions of divorce out of your lawyer's office. You're in charge; make sure to understand all your options before making decisions. Information is knowledge and knowledge is power!
Divorce has become so common today that people underestimate how powerful an experience it is. Understand that you are grieving your divorce, which is normal and to be expected. The fact is you are experiencing losses you probably never thought would happen. To help get you through this difficult time, develop your support network including friends, family, clergy, parenting groups, divorce groups, and/or a therapist. I promise you, you will feel better. As the saying goes - time is a healer!
The number-one coping strategy is to get yourself in a position of wanting very little from your ex-spouse. The less you want from him, the less frustrated you will be. Think about it - if you couldn't change your ex when you were married, you certainly aren't going to change him now. Also, realize you will never get the vindication or apology you want and may even deserve. Taking control of your life, getting organized and making informed decisions will be empowering.
You need to give yourself the opportunity to explore and consciously make choices about the life you want to lead post-divorce. Envision what you would like life to like to look like when you are ready to start moving on, and think about what you need to do to get there. Don't procrastinate! It's up to you to make these things happen. Your goal should be to create a better life today than the one you had before.
You will likely have to get used to the fact that your children are not going to be with you 24/7. They will be spending part of their time with your ex and part with you. You can't control what goes on when your kids are with their father. Learn to let go and don't worry about the stuff you can't control.
Use the time when your kids are not with you productively... Pursue your dreams and your interests. Maybe now you will even have the time to see a movie or go to the gym. So, go to your closet and clean out the emotional demons, put on your favorite jeans and girly top or your latest sexy frock and make plans for a fabulous evening. Just go out and have fun!
Deborah Moskovitch is the founder of The Smart Divorce website. She is a divorce consultant and author of "The Smart Divorce: Proven Strategies and Valuable Advice". Copyright. All rights reserved.
As you begin working through the various emotional stages, these articles will help you learn how to survive a divorce with grace: