When it comes to divorce, a stay at home mom faces extra
challenges, such as no control over the finances, no paycheck, and
less power in the relationship. If you're facing such a
situation, read the advice from the life coach for ideas on how to
cope.
Tina's Question: We have 2 girls, and I have been a stay at home mom
for several years. My husband just dumped on me that he wants a divorce and
custody of our oldest daughter. He said he didn't want to be nasty, but if
I fight for her he will fight back. I don't know what to do. I am in
a mess here and I fear that he will take both of our girls because I have no
license, vehicle, job, and soon no home. I'm also afraid that he will cut off my
funds, and I won't be able to pay my lawyer. I know you can't give legal advice,
I just need advice on how to react and respond to make this easier on the
children.
Gloria's Answer: In a nutshell, the fears that you are feeling
right now are very overwhelming and in the grand scheme of things can feel very
real. Based on the information you have right now, it does seem like a
mountain that is almost impossible to climb. Yet, I want you to know that
it isn't impossible! Without question, it will be hard, but not
impossible.
Like many women who go through a divorce with children, it is time for you
to dig deep and get your feet on the ground as quickly as you can. Your
power and strength will come from several different places, but your biggest
asset will be information. The fears that come with not knowing are always
much worse than the reality of knowing.
Since you are in jeopardy of losing your home, who do you know who can help
you right now? Do you have friends or family that you and the girls can
stay with? What organizations or charities can you call to get the help
you need short term? Figure this one out first.
Next, do whatever you have to do to get your license and get a job to begin
to financially rebuild. What are your skills? Do you have a resume
together? If not, do it or at least get some history and references
together for an application. Begin reading the classifieds, and again,
find the resources available to you to get the skills you need to support
yourself and your girls. The unemployment office can help you some here.
Keep in mind that the changes that come with all of this will be unnerving,
often exhausting, and may be some of the hardest things you've ever had to
do. It will be hard, but you can do hard! It takes great courage to
humble yourself and ask for whatever it is that you need, so be very proud of
yourself that you will do whatever it takes to take care of yourself and your
family.
As far as emotionally supporting your girls in this, I would encourage you
all to trust that the legal system is there to protect the best interests of the
children in divorce cases. Find out what that really means in your state
and what your rights are. Your husband can throw out all kinds of
scenarios, but just because he wants it to be a certain way, doesn't make it so.
Do what you have to do to take care of yourself first, and let the other pieces
fall into place with the information you receive.
You are amazingly strong, smart, and resourceful. Never forget who you
are and all that you are capable of! Feel free to share this with your
girls, too. You go, Girls!! »
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How Can I Make A Living?
Marcia's Question: I've been a
homemaker for 22 years. He moved us to the middle of no where so
that we could do things together, and then he decides to leave. I
don't have any family or friends here, and it's a very small town,
so work and school opportunities are limited. I'm stuck here
until the divorce is finalized, and my biggest fear is what do I do
for work. Help!
Gloria's Answer: One of the biggest struggles and
fears for stay-at-home Mom's after a divorce is taking a look at the job market
and trying to figure out how they are going to earn a living. Yet, I truly
believe that stay-at-home Mom's have so many transferable skills in the
workplace that often go unrecognized.
Mom's are incredible organizers, time management specialists, and
negotiators. (How many times have we had to negotiate with a 2 year
old!) We are often great listeners, communicators, and
multi-taskers. We are very intuitive and often act just on an
impulse that often turns out to be the right move. We are great
teachers, innovators, and motivators. (Think peas at the dinner
table!)
These are skills that you do have right now! The other more
technical things you can learn. You can read. You can take classes.
You can ask for help from experts, work temporary jobs, and get that
degree online if necessary.
You can always choose to work from home, too. There are many
Multi-Level companies that are legitimate opportunities for you to
take advantage of. There are also many virtual opportunities like a
virtual assistant, freelance writer, or artist.
You are not less than simply because you have chosen to stay at
home to raise your family. Take some time to see the opportunity now
in finding out your skills, your passions, and your independent
abilities in creating new streams of income. I'm truly excited that
soon you will discover who you are and all that you are capable
of! »
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Information about coping with divorce in the "Ask
Gloria" section of this website is for general purposes only,
and not a substitute for professional counseling.
