How Divorce Affects Teenagers

Understanding how divorce affects teenagers can help you realize that they may still feel betrayed and lost, even though they are old enough to comprehend what's going on.  Not only are teens coping with divorce and anger over the whole situation, but they may also be taking some of the blame for their parent's divorce. The following excerpt reveals some of the emotions that teens experience when their parents divorce.  

"It's My Fault!"

When my parents divorced, I never really thought they would get back together. I did, however, believe that my father would one day become more involved in my life again. That never happened, though, and I couldn't understand it.

For a long time, I blamed myself. I thought my dad's behavior was my fault. I thought I had to earn his attention by being a perfect daughter: never get into trouble, never get angry at him, do everything I was supposed to do. I managed to do all these things, but it didn't change anything.

As time went on, my hurt grew even bigger than my confusion. I started to take my parents' separation personally, as if it meant they didn't love me anymore. Maybe you, too, have thought this: If my parents really loved me, they would have tried harder to make their marriage work. Perhaps you think less of yourself now, as if you're doomed to fail because of their divorce.

Here's the most important thing you can understand about your parents' breakup: The problems between your parents are never about you. Separation or divorce doesn't mean your parents love you any less. It concerns only their feelings toward each other, not toward you.

Just as you were not responsible for your parents' marriage, neither are you responsible for their separation or divorce. Maybe you've heard your parents arguing about you, or maybe they're having a court battle about custody or child-support payments. When the main topic of your parents' arguments is you, it's easy to think the problems are all your fault. However, they never are.

Consider friends who have disappointed you. Have you ever had a friend dump you because he or she wanted to be friends with someone more popular? Maybe this person had even been your best friend. You really wanted to stay friends with him or her and did all you could to be a good friend, but still things didn't work out. You're left feeling hurt and angry, right?

Unfortunately, despite our trying to do our best, people let us down. It's often easier to blame ourselves when this happens than to see the other person's shortcomings. However, we need to remember that the situation isn't about who we are or what we've done (or not done). Rather, it's about who that person is.

Where do you stand with all this? When you're really honest with yourself, what thoughts do you have about being responsible for your parents' breakup?

Taking anger out on your parent-or anyone else-is a destructive way of handling your feelings. While you may have good reason to be angry, the challenge is to find a constructive way to deal with those feelings. It starts with understanding your feelings and trying to forgive the parent with whom you're angry. This will help keep your anger from spilling over into all of your relationships and possibly jeopardizing friendships that could be supportive for you.

Understanding how divorce affects teenagers can help you get through to tough times.  Below you can find more articles about parenting teenagers to help you through this stage:
Parenting Teenagers During Divorce 
Divorce And Teenagers  
Shared Parenting Suggestions  
More Articles about Children

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