He Had a Girlfriend
by Lady RB
I was married to the same man for 25 years. He has been verbally and mentally abusive to me and our kids. I was not allowed to ask where he was going or when he would come back. He had his life and I had my life with our kids. I had to be home when he was home and be sure that if I went out to be home when he got home.
I was told we were getting a divorce but to not tell anyone, that it was nobody's business but ours. I had done exactly what he had told me for so many years that I did not tell anyone; not our kids, my friends, or my family. When we started divorce proceeding I would ask for time to get my life in order, but he would belittle me, call me names and make me feel like the worst person on earth. I finally gave in to the divorce.
About 2 weeks later I found out the reason he divorced me was because he had been having an affair for a year and a half. He moved 2 blocks away from my house and of course made my life a living hell. He still comes to my house to pick-up our 7 year old son, and he doesn't miss a chance to belittle me in front of him or our 18 year old daughter. I have seen how his life has changed for the worse in 6 months; cyber girlfriends have come from out of the blue, and of course I am to blame.
At first I was really hurt and made his life hell. I would call his girlfriend names and tell him everything and anything I could to hurt him. I would not pass a chance to pick a fight with him. My 7 year old begged me to stop fighting with his father; to just let him go and move on because his father was not worth my stress or my health. He’s a smart little guy. So I told my ex I would no longer fight with him.
Then he started picking fights with me in front of our kids, calling me names and belittling me to the point of making me feel like I was nothing. Then I finally decided to just ignore him. When he started telling me things, I would just close my door, so he stopped causing problems with me.
Now he feels like he has to give me explanations of where and when he is going and taking our son. I have told him several times that "as long as he takes care of our son that I really don't care what he does". I really don't ask question and could care less for what he does, but now he seems to want to keep me informed. I am really confused. I know this man better than I know myself and when he does give explanations, it’s because things in his life are not going his way.
The only thing I know is that I see my life better now without him in it. I see the person I have become and I see that I can actually have a life without him. I have told him the woman he used to know no longer exists. I no longer spend my time in bed away from our kids. I no longer take all those medications that I used to take when he was here. I know it is a very short time to see a big change in my life. I see the woman I have become and I like her. I get up every morning, get dressed up to go out, and put on make-up. Something I never did.
When it comes to our kids, my ex has fought me every step I take with our son. He used to be here to pick him up at the designated time and bring him home exactly at the time he was supposed to. All of a sudden he picks him up late and brings him home late, but will call to give explanation on why he is late.
When it comes to our 18 year old daughter, he has no relationship with her at all. He has told me that since she cannot accept his girlfriend, he cannot have a relationship with her. Our daughter is a great kid and I feel sorry for him, for not having a relationship with her. I believe his loss is my gain. Our kid is a great kid. I just hope, when he realizes he wants to be in her life, it is not too late.
I just hope my life gets better and better with time. I just hope he sees that he did me a favor by leaving and that I soon can move to a better place in life.