Controlling over finances

by JoAnn

He is controlling over finances, not letting me go to school or work while my child was younger. He just wasn’t exciting to me, and we had no sex life after I had my son 11 years ago. We’ve been living as roommates. He never introduced me to friends, never took me to ceremonies or banquets. He just wanted me to be home and cook for him.

After we came back from our honeymoon (which was horrible), I expected as a newlywed to buy a bedroom set. To this day he has never bought me a bedroom set, living room set, kitchen set, or anything to decorate my house. He has done nothing to the house to make it look nice for me. I can’t paint it because I may mess it up, and I can’t work on the yard because I might do it wrong.

Before him, I lived my life well. I went to school, had a great job, had my own house, my kids were involved in sports, and I was very social and had friends. Now I have nothing to my name. He won’t give me money and he leaves for work at 4 am and comes home at 7 pm. So he’s gone all day, and I get nothing to even buy an ice cream for my son. I asked for money to buy my son underclothes, but he left to work and left me nothing. So my son goes without because he just doesn’t want to give me anything…

I just can’t live this way anymore. I’ve tried and it’s not there… too long to go without. He seems to think I should be happy to have a roof over my head and he pays all bills. That is not what is important to me, there’s so much more to a marriage…

It’s so wrong… and he calls himself a Christian man... he’s more like a hypocrite. I am not in love with my husband...

I signed up for training to work in the medical field which is a small monthly payment and now that has stopped because he won’t give me money for the payments. I worked for 3 years at a school which was nice, but I got cancer. My hours were crappy (not even 3 hours a day), so I couldn’t do that anymore. I’ve tried collecting unemployment, but I can’t get that… oh, and I have tried to work online doing my own business but unfortunately that didn’t work for now anyway…

I simply would love to be who I was before, an independent woman, but he took that away from me completely. He seems to think I don’t know how to use money. How can I if he gives me nothing? I have to ask for everything for myself and my son. I need new glasses and I have the RX, but he won’t let me go because he has to pay for it.

I truly wonder if these are reasons for getting a divorce. It’s been 12 years with him, and I’m not getting any younger… I hope I can get some feedback on other people’s thoughts in this. A divorce is not a fun thing, but sometimes I think it’s a necessary thing.

I feel I’m going to die of stress, I have high blood pressure and arthritis, and he is not help in that either. He was not even there when I had my cancer surgery… So for now, a divorce is the only option I have…

Comments for Controlling over finances

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There is always a way
by: Controlling over finances

Ladies, I thank you for your comments, I must say, it’s all so heartbreaking to hear your side as well, all so similar. I must say, I made it out, I could no longer stay there, was so undoubtedly unhappy. I talked to people and was given very good advice. So I told him I was moving out and needed the money he was ordered to pay me by court as it was already set in court. I did it the day before he got paid so he would know to pay me, and got the motel, stayed there for 4 days. Then I had just enough to get into an apt, it was a hard but nice move.

I am now in my own apartment with my son, and my illness has got worse. I had lost the medication I needed because insurance won’t cover it anymore. I really had no other outside help, but my oldest son, moved in with me to help me out, which helps. So I’m struggling to get my health back, take care of my finances which have piled up, and my credit is bad. But I’ve taken a spiritual turn, I meditate and pray daily. It really does help. I feel in control when I meditate and listen to those I learn from. If you would like to know who and how to begin, I can forward you the site. It’s a very awesome lady. It helps you take control, be grounded, and rid those negative energies that bind you.

There is hope, serenity with patience, and love. Love yourself, you did nothing wrong, we just happened to be given something that is making us stronger. We all will be strong, supportive, women with Love to give the world and everyone that walks into our life.

Take the first step to do what you need to do for yourself, make yourself happy again. Then as hard as it is to begin all over, it shall happen with patience and time. Good luck ladies..
Much love your way..

Your husband is my husband!
by: Ursula

The difference I see here is that I got back to school and I am 4 months before graduation. However, I paid for everything using my savings and help from mom. I knew it's the only chance for me. If I need new glasses, birth control, medicines or anything I need to pay for it. When I ask, he humiliates me saying I don't know how to take care of finances. And yes I should be happy that I have a roof over my head, bills paid (I still pay my bills) and partial food. He always complains I cost him money. Cannot wait to see his face if the court decide he has to pay a spousal support to me!

by: Anonymous

I am facing the decision to divorce a man who has treated me the same as you. I too am college educated, yet found myself with an extremely controlling person. My kids have had to wear whatever he brought home to us in a trash bag...donations from others, despite the fact that he made an excellent salary. I was made to feel extreme guilt for even the tiniest of purchases. He left me bleeding in the bathroom for a week because I had difficulty passing a huge kidney stone. My daughter (13) finally called an ambulance after he left for a business trip. I was in the hospital for three days and had to have an emergency surgery. He pretended to approve while the doc was there in the room. He changed his tune when we were alone. He was angry at me for costing him money and refused to pay for it. He told me I would have to pay for it from my meager allowance...the money provided for me to get groceries, clothes, school supplies, etc. I had to feed the kids a lot of Top Ramen to begin paying on it, while he insisted I feed him properly.

The thing that frightens me is not the divorce itself....or even a life on my own. It has been terrifying to figure out how to do it with no resources of my own…he controls everything. If I could only get the start-up/transitional costs dealt with, I would be done with this now. I can definitely empathize. I feel like a shoe box in the back of his closet or a neglected dog tied in the back yard.

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