All Around Incompatibility

by Tina
(Denver, CO USA)

My husband has always been very controlling and a bully. I did not know myself at all when we first started seeing one another. I had just moved from my home state and did not want to date anyone. My brother (another controlling bully) felt he knew better and, since I had to live with him and my sister-in-law when I moved, I could not get away from his constant nagging for me to date.

I knew shortly after we married that it had been a mistake. I was financially solvent when I met my soon-to-be ex and he had debt. Shortly after we married he kept pestering me to get a credit card and put him on it "for emergencies". Well soon thereafter I found out he charged over $70,000 and we had to declare bankruptcy. He was constantly promising me everything under the sun and would never follow through on any of his promises. He eventually had to sell my diamond engagement ring (valued at $1800 or more) for just over $100 to pay some bill--yet another thing he said he would never do.

Eventually I just grew up and grew tired of the empty promises and empty, lonely life of being completely alone all of the time and wanted to have some type of life and happiness while I could still enjoy it. I also had a health scare shortly after turning 40 and it woke me up BIG TIME!!!! I am scared but I long to see what I can achieve too.

Comments for All Around Incompatibility

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He pushed me away
by: Anonymous

We never communicated. When I tried, he would belittle me, or push me away when I wanted attention, like a hug or a kiss. I believe it started after my mom died. I went into a deep depression and his words to me were "You’re alive, your mom is dead. Get over it." I started to with-draw in spite of support groups. It was good to talk others going through what I was going through, but the support and understanding was not at home.

After a year I lost all interest in him. Then he shut down his business and retired. He just sat around the house while I worked 2 jobs and keep up the housework. The verbal abuse got worst and after 6 more years of it, I finally had it. I moved from NY to GA to live with our son. It took him only 5 months to divorce me… That sounds like he really wanted me out of his life.

by: Anonymous

I have been with my husband for 28 years and we went through lot of things together. I have changed my life completely and he refuses to do the same. He spends money with no direction and has bad decision-making abilities. He continues to remind me of my mistakes when I was his drinking buddy and how I would be better off drinking. During all the abuse I have still managed to change my life. I am now in a Legal administration course and changing. As his drinking progress he is unbearable and refuses change so I must leave.

Bullying, controlling and narcissism
by: Anonymous

Emotional abuse is so traumatic and terrifying. It starts slowly, and my husband started to become rigid, disdainful, insulting, and critical. When he was with other people, he would act like the mayor of the soon as we were alone or with our children, his attitude would change. He once measured the tire tread marks on a small section of grass along our driveway to see "if I had caused the problem or if one of my friends did". Seriously, measuring tire treads that went over the grass about six inches from the asphalt...Things like this would happen several times a week. Then he would say if I just did things the way he wanted, we wouldn't took 23 years of marriage to finally leave. Getting support from support groups and books and a spiritual connection and my sisters and mom helped me get through it. You are not crazy and you deserve to be treated with dignity.

Narcissistic Husband
by: Anonymous

For a good list of traits that narcissists often display, check out

It describes my husband to a "T". He is so hard to live with and to know. He has made me feel the lowest I have ever felt and I have no self-esteem left. There was no intimacy, affection, or conversation after we got married. He just completely started controlling everything. He is online creating profiles on all the sites and yet claims to love me. I must divorce him or live and suffer for the rest of my life. This is truly a horrible situation. The description above has many faces within, drama being 100% inevitable.

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