Supervised Visitation
Answers From The Expert
A judge can restrict visitation or order supervised visitation if it is believed that the children's welfare is endangered by regular visitation. Supervised visits allows a child contact with the non-custodial parent in a safe environment.
This type of visitation occurs in the presence of a responsible third party who oversees the parent/child interaction and insures the safety of the child. Continued contact with the non-custodial parent can help children adjust to the divorce and encourage the parent to continue to build a relationship with the children.
Some instances that warrant restricted visitation are:
- If there is the threat of parental kidnapping.
- If the non-custodial parent has a history of drug or alcohol abuse.
- If there is the threat of physical, mental, or sexual abuse.
- If the parent has threatened suicide
- Conviction of a crime
A judge will not only consider the "best interest of the child," but will also determine whether unstructured visitation would endanger the child's physical, mental, or moral health. A judge may also order anger management, parenting classes, and counseling for the non-custodial parent if restricted visitation is warranted.
The following answers from the legal expert may give you more insight into the different situations you may encounter.
Supervised Visitation
Can I prevent visitation if reasonable supervised visitation is ordered?
Jenny's Question: I am the mother of 3 children ages 8, 5, and 1. My husband was an addict and after many stints in rehab landed in prison for possession. While in prison, our divorce was granted and I was awarded Sole Custody with Reasonable Supervised Visitation for him. He has just been released early from prison and claims he wants to be fully involved in the raising of our children. He has both purchased and abused drugs in their presence in the past and has not seen them in over a year. With the award of reasonable visitation, can I dictate if and when he sees them? Is there anyway to prevent him from seeing them until I'm sure it won't do more harm than good?
Brette's Answer: With an order like that, you have to agree for visitation to take place. If you do not agree on what is reasonable, then he can file with the court if he feels you're violating the order. Then the onus is on him to take action, and he might not do anything. You could file to modify the order, but by doing so you open a can of worms.
Can supervised visitation be ordered based on a medical condition?
Adiya's Question: My 3 year old daughter was born severely premature. During the time that she was in the hospital, my ex-husband and I divorced and since that time he has made very little effort to see her. I want to file for sole legal custody but am open to the idea of visitation on the grounds that it is supervised either by myself or a social worker. I am concerned about leaving her alone with my ex-husband because he has no understanding of her medical condition and wouldn't know what to do in the event that she were having an attack. (When she was much younger I sent her to visit him for a couple of hours and he did not give her her seizure medication because he said she was "being difficult" about taking it) Can I get supervised visitation on the grounds that she has a medical condition that requires her to be supervised by someone who understands her medical condition?
Brette's Answer: If I were the law guardian in your case, I would recommend that your ex take the time to be educated about your daughter's condition. I would suggest he meet with her Doctor or at least a nurse from her Dr's office. I would also suggest he take some parenting classes. If he did these things, it is possible he could adequately care for her. Supervised visitation, while necessary in some cases is frankly really hard to maintain. You have to coordinate so many people's schedules and it is generally not a very nurturing situation in which to develop a parent-child bond. I understand your concerns and of course it is essential that she be cared for properly, but he is her father and if you can find a way for them to have a relationship, it will be best for her. I know how you feel - since you divorced while she was in the hospital, you feel as though you've been the only one to care for her and are the only one who knows how. You've been a tremendous mom to get her through all of that and if you allow him into her life (with some guidance) it's not going to take away any of that. Good luck. » Return to top
Can supervised visitation be ordered for our disabled son?
Jolee's Question: My ex left almost a year ago to live with another woman, who was pregnant at the time with his child. We agreed that he would not expose our child to this woman and that I would have sole legal custody of our son. The new baby is due any day and things have become pretty contentious with him seeking custody now, which was motivated by his desire not to pay child support. My son was diagnosed with a delayed receptive/expressive conversation which means he needs special attention. I would like supervised visits until his father builds rapport with him and understands how he must communicate with him. I think that any exposure to a new woman, a new baby, and a new environment too soon would have a negative impact on my son without properly transitioning. What are your thoughts?
Brette's Answer: I think that your ex does need to learn how to best communicate with and parent your son. I'm not sure supervised visits are necessary to achieve that though. If he is honestly willing to learn, he could meet with your child's therapist and medical providers to learn about the condition. I'm unclear if your ex has had visitation all along. If he has not seen your child in a year, then you would need to start gradually and supervised would make sense in the beginning, but it has to be phased out. However if he has an ongoing relationship, then I think he just needs to learn proper care.
The new baby is another issue. I would urge you to think about it this way. This is your child's sibling. I understand that you have a lot of negative feelings towards the mother - but that has to do with your relationship with your ex. Your child deserves to have a healthy relationship with his half-brother or half-sister. I think you want your child involved with this sibling from the beginning - it is much more organic that way than to try to introduce him to the sibling in the future. And yes, managing a newborn and your child with special needs will be a challenge for your ex, but that does not mean he should not be allowed to try. I would suggest you get your child's therapist involved in this to help everyone transition. Good luck. Return to top
Will the courts give him limited visits if the CPS case was closed?
Lindsay's Question: My ex inflicted harm on my daughter (not his) when we were dating and he would watch her. A CPS case was opened, but it was recently closed as unfounded. We also have an 18 month old daughter together and are in the middle of a custody battle. I am really afraid for our child's safety when she is alone with him, and he just moved in with a new girlfriend who has seen our daughter once. He was ordered supervised visitation until our next court date, but has yet to try to see her. He doesn't even call to see how she is doing. Based on everything, will the courts give him supervised visitation now that the CPS case is closed?
Brette's Answer: It is unlikely unless you can prove some of the allegations. Good luck. Can I request supervised visitation if my ex's wife threatens me?
Megan's Question: My ex husband's wife has been threatening me for years, calling and leaving messages on my phone. I have filed several police reports and she left me alone for about 2 years. Recently, she started calling, texting, and emailing again. Is there anything that can be done to stop her? I constantly worry about my son when he is over there for visitation. Is there any way their visitation can be supervised?
Brette's Answer: You can request a restraining order against her. As for visitation, if she is treating your son well, there isn't much to be done unless you can show this is impacting him. » Return to top
Can I set the schedule for the supervised visitation?
Cindy's Question: I have custody of my nieces. The maternal grandmother was ordered supervised visits by the court with mutual agreement between both of us. Am I in violation if I told the grandparents time the children are free for visits? Do I have to provide transportation for those visits?
Brette's Answer: It depends on how your order is written. If visitation is specifically set for certain times (such as every other Sunday, for example), you need to make the children available on those dates, unless the grandmother agrees to change. If your order simply says "visits at times as mutually agreed" then you are required only to set visitation at times you both agree. Now, if you make it very difficult or almost impossible for the grandmother to arrange visitation, then you are not upholding the meaning or spirit of the order. If however, you are trying to work it out, but simply have times the children are not available, you're not being unreasonable.
As to transportation, this might be spelled out in your order. If it isn't, you can ask that the order be modified to spell it out. I would caution you however - do you really want your nieces being transported by someone who is under supervised visitation? Is the supervisor willing to do the transportation? » Return to top
I have supervised visitations but still haven't seen my daughter.
Jamie's Question: My child's father has full sole physical custody. After mediation I was told I have supervised visitations, but still have not seen my daughter. It is rare when I get to speak to her and he won't let me know anything about her. I'm a good mother and want to see my child. What do I need to do?
Brette's Answer: Have you tried to set up supervised visits? Does the order specify who is to supervise? If you need to find a supervisor, work on that. Does the order say when the visits are to take place? If so and he is refusing to allow them, you can file for a violation/enforcement. If it does not specifically say and when they are to take place, it might be a good idea to go to court to get that specifically ordered so there can be no confusion. » Return to top
What if he doesn't comply with the supervised visitation?
Nicole's Question: When we settled custody issues, he was only allowed supervised visitation (due to drug and abuse issues), which he has never done. Now he keeps telling me that he is going to sue me because he hasn't seen her. Can I file for him to lose his rights?
Brette's Answer: If he hasn't asked to see her, you have not violated the order. It was up to him to use his visitation. If he's never attempted to see her, he has no ground to stand on. If you file to eliminate his rights, it's likely you will end up with a big fight on your hands.
How can I protect my son if his dad has anger issues?
Crystal's Question: Can I ask that my husband undergo therapy in order to see my child?. He has a lot of anger and rage, and I am scared to leave my son alone with him. We are not divorced yet, so visitation has not yet been determined. My husband has never even kept him by himself before, so would those things weigh on the decisions involved in visitation?
Brette's Answer: Requiring a parent to undergo counseling as well as parenting classes is often ordered by a court. It's likely the court would require a psychological evaluation be done to determine what his condition is and what he needs. None of this will happen just on your say so though. You need an expert to testify as to what is going on and how it affects your child. Also, it's unlikely there would be no visitation at all in the meantime, but supervised visitation is the alternative. The fact that your husband has never cared for your son alone is very important and will be an important factor considered by the court. Get an attorney and share all of this with him or her. » Return to top
Can I get supervised visitation if he takes baths with our daughter?
Tracy's Question: I recently split with my husband because he was mentally and physically abusive the entire relationship and is an alcoholic (drinks every night until passing out). My 4 year old daughter goes every other weekend to visit. She came home talking about how her dad gets in the bathtub with her naked to give her a bath. I try and correct her and explain adults should not be in a bath with a child, but she is telling me it's ok because my daddy loves me. Is this reason for me to push for supervised visitation only?
Brette's Answer: If I were you, I would be concerned. I would particularly be concerned about the drinking - however you did nothing about that and agreed to visitation every other weekend. It's going to be harder to prove since you are not around him often enough to give a lot of evidence. The bathing does sound inappropriate, but inappropriate does not mean abuse. It is a fine line. You could try to talk with him about it first - explain she is getting older and it is no longer appropriate. That might be the best way to approach this. There is no reason to make it adversarial if a simple conversation could take care of it. If not, then you can go to court. I don't think you can get supervised visitation just because of this. Likely, the court would direct him to stop and visitation would continue, unless you have some good proof that he is drunk when she is with him. » Return to top
Can supervised visitation be ordered until the kids are 18?
Mihaela's Question: My husband and I are going through a very difficult divorce and child custody dispute. My husband was ordered to have SUPERVISED visits with the children while he undergoes a forensic psychological evaluation. He was also abusive with me and the children during our marriage. The psychological evaluation determined him to have psychopathic deviate behaviors and also bipolar disorder. My husband also admitted to the psychologist that he stopped taking his bipolar disorder prescribed medications and stopped seeing his therapist. I am hoping to persuade the mediator and the judge that the children will not be safe alone with him.
My husband insists that we should have split 50/50 custody. Given the history of abuse and the psychological evaluation I am adamant that supervised visitation continue until the kids are 18. I am hoping that our custody mediator and the judge will evaluate the psychological report and the one year of supervised visits to determine that it's in the best interest of the children that they live with me and their contact with dad should be supervised. From your legal experience, can you give me some insight as to how this is going to unfold for my children.
Brette's Answer: I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like a difficult situation. The key is going to be working out a plan for supervised visits. Do you trust a relative of his to do it? If so, that would be the easiest situation. I should point out that should he get treatment and take his meds, it is likely a court would eventually allow him unsupervised visits. For now though he does not sound well enough. » Return to top
Can I get supervised visitation if I'm afraid he'll kidnap out son?
Emily's Question: I fear for my child's safety in the care of his father. Besides having intervention order documents stating incidents where he was violent towards me, a report from a psychologist from 12 months ago stating my fears for my safety and my son's development, I also have an itinerary he downloaded on my computer showing that he used a stolen credit card number to pay for his flight. Due to him being able to get free flights with stolen credit card numbers from a fellow Nigerian, I fear he will kidnap our son. Are these documents enough to justify to the court why my son is not safe in his father's care and why supervised visits are the only option?
Brette's Answer: It is certainly a concern that he is engaging in criminal activity - and if you pointed that out to the court, you can be sure the DA would be involved and a criminal conviction would definitely cause the court to be concerned. However domestic violence with you and alleged theft do not have to equal parental kidnapping. Did the psychologist have any concerns about your son's safety- you only mention YOUR concerns. What matters is what the psychologist thought. You need to put together clear evidence about the care your son receives, the impact it has on him, and any actual threats about kidnapping. Good luck.
I supervise the visitation but I can't put up the the abuse anymore Question: My ex is schizophrenic, but I didn't find out until 3 months after my child was born. He became verbal and emotionally abusive and isolated me from my friends & family. I finally left him, but I continued supervised visitation by myself with him because I did want him to say that I was denying visitation. I still have to deal with the verbal & emotional abuse. What can I do to stop this madness? Brette's Answer: There are some options to consider. You could continue supervised visitation but find someone else to do it or even use a service. You definitely need an order of sole custody. You could ask the court to have a psychological evaluation done to determine what kind of visitation and in what amount would be appropriate for him and your child. I think you probably need to bring some professionals in to help you with this. Taking yourself out of the equation will allow you to get away from the abuse.
I can't afford a professional monitor for supervised visitation
Julie's Question: My ex has supervised visitation with my son, but the current monitor does nothing to stop him from discussing the court case, and my child is extremely upset. I have no funds for a professional monitor and my ex doesn't work so if a professional is ordered I have to pay. Can you give me suggestions on where I can find affordable monitoring? My ex made threats against my friends and family so that is out.
Brette's Answer: The Salvation Army runs a supervised visitation program in some locales. You might also try calling your local United Way offices or perhaps your Department of Social Services or Department of Children and Families to see if there is anything else in your area. If not, I would suggest talking to the monitor about what is appropriate. Perhaps there is a friend or family member who would agree to monitor the visitation. » Return to top
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Changing Visitation Schedules
Child Visitation Problems
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Ask the Legal Expert a question
Brette Sember is a former family and
matrimonial attorney and mediator, nationally recognized expert, and author of
many books including
The Divorce Organizer & Planner,
No-Fight Divorce, and
How To Parent With Your Ex.
For more information about Brette, see www.BretteSember.com.
This column provides general information about
the various aspects of divorce. It is not intended to take
the place of legal counsel and should not be considered personal legal advice.
For specific recommendations concerning your
situation, please retain experienced legal counsel. WomansDivorce.com and Brette Sember disclaim
any liability from any claim arising from any information contained
in this column. This column is not a substitute for legal advice.
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