Should You Reconcile?

When faced with divorce, it's understandable if you're questioning whether this is the best path to take. There will be times when you'll doubt whether you can really make it on your own, whether the kids will be okay, if this was the right decision to make, about whether your finances will stretch far enough. If this sounds familiar, here is how to get a little perspective on your feelings.


Should You Give It Another Try?

Mending a broken heart

Sometimes reconciliation can work; however, without couples therapy and lots of hard work, couples frequently fall back into old habits and patterns.

Imagine the marriage you would like to have with this person. Imagine the changes you would like to see. Now ask yourself… is it possible? Really possible?

Of course, anything is possible, provided the other person is willing. Let’s assume that he is willing and you go to couples therapy, you work hard, you both change. Now ask yourself . . . Would it be enough? If your answer is no, then you are on the right path. Many women who have reached this point say that nothing would be enough. The pain, deception, betrayal, and loss of trust are so great that nothing could change those feelings. If you are one of those women, honor your decision to divorce and realize you are on the right track. You aren’t a failure or a quitter; you have merely learned when to cut your losses.

The desire to reconcile is often the desire to return to a known entity, to a familiar way of being. It is often the fear of the unknown rather than a true desire to reconcile your marriage. Some women change their mind and try again—not because they think it can work out successfully, but because they are afraid of the unknown of the future. The future is always unknown, whether you stay or you go. However, making decisions that are based on truth rather than fear is always healthier. It puts us in charge of our lives and our destiny.

Today I recognize that nothing he could do at this point would be enough and that closes the option of going back to the marriage. While that is sad, it also frees me to look ahead to my future without complicated "what ifs."


*Excerpted from Donna Ferber's book, From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life© Copyright 2005, Donna Ferber. All rights reserved. To read more about the author and her work, check out the featured articles by Donna Ferber.

If you think that there is still a chance to get back together and make your marriage work, you need to check out the Save Your Marriage system. This is a guide to help you start rebuilding your relationship, with exercises to help your recapture the love and get your marriage back on track.

Quote of the Day
The further backward you look, the further forward you can see.
- Winston Churchill

A relationship crisis leads to a lot of questions about the viability of your marriage and whether you should get back together or not. If that sounds like you, keep reading...