How To Deal With The Pain Of DivorceLearning how to deal with the pain of divorce is part of the emotional growth that goes along with rebuilding your life. While the pain may seem unbearable, it will ease with time. For some tips on how to deal with your emotions, read the following advice from the life coach. Getting Over The Pain of Losing Someone Question: "How do I get over the pain of losing someone I was married to for twenty-two years?" Gloria answers: The pain of losing someone we love, no matter what the circumstance, is very real, and it hurts! I can remember when my husband of 19 years and I split that I could only go about 48 hours before I'd break down and cry another river of tears. Then gradually I noticed I could go about a week, then a few, then a month, and so on. It isn't pleasant; it isn't fun; and we just want it to be over. Yet, my challenge for you (and for all of us) is that while we just want to run away from it, instead we take some time to embrace the pain and learn from it. Pain can be a great teacher when we learn to listen. What are you learning about yourself in the midst of the pain? Where is the pain actually coming from - loneliness, disappointment, betrayal, fear? And then, what would you like to do with that information? You have the option to sit at home feeling sorry for yourself, which is okay now and then, but you also have the power to begin rebuilding your life even while you are still healing. Another piece that was essential in pulling me through was finding the
courage to reach out to someone in my support team - my Mom, my best friend, my
coach, and others who have been there, done that, and even my attorney! Oftentimes, when we are hurting we have a tendency to withdraw and retreat.
We
convince ourselves that no one else could possibly understand. And even if they
did, they would tire of listening to us cry and whine. Dismiss those thoughts as
false, and it does take courage, so begin once again to reach out to the many
who do love you. We all have pain at different points in our lives, and this is
your time. The next time, it may be theirs and I'd love for you to be there for
them in return. How Could He Just Throw Me Away Patty's Question: How do I deal with my husband of 25 years who told me that he didn't love me and didn't think he ever did? To add to the hurt, he admitted that he wasn't attracted to me anymore because my stomach is so stretched out from being pregnant with our three kids and the colon cancer I had 8 years ago. He lied for years that that didn't bother him. I am trying to hold it together for my kids, but I can't function. He has seen a lawyer but nothing has been done yet because I begged him not to start the divorce just as I was going back to work. I love him with all my heart and I simply will never understand how he could just throw me away. I have always been faithful and I think he has too. My self esteem is totally gone and the the loneliness is unbearable. HELP!! Gloria's Answer: My first simple and strong words of encouragement for you, Patty, are these: Hold to the truth!! The truth is, at one time or another over these past 25 years, he did love you, and he probably still does. The truth is your physical attractiveness may not always have bothered him, but now, for some reason, it is. The truth is YOU are a loving and caring wife and mother of 3 beautiful children who is an amazing survivor of colon cancer. The truth is life changes and we must change with it! My second thought for you is to stop begging. Remember the wonderful, remarkable woman you are who works hard, loves much, and will survive this, too. Give yourself the respect that you truly deserve. Third thought, take a look in the mirror and see if you like the physical parts of who you are. How do YOU feel about the body that you are living in? Are YOU happy with it or are there some things you'd like to work on? Empower yourself to exercise, diet, try a new skin care system, or do whatever is necessary to rebuild your own physical confidence. The more beautiful you are to yourself by holding to the truth in every way, the more beautiful you will become to the world around you. And something tells me that your husband will notice it, too! » Return to top
Also see: Gloria Swardenski is a life and business coach, professional speaker, and author of "Got 90 Seconds? Quick Quotes and Notes to Encourage and Inspire". For more information about Gloria, visit her website at www.GloriaCoach.com Information about coping with divorce in the "Ask Gloria" section of this website is for general purposes only, and not a substitute for professional counseling. Divorce
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