He lied about money

by J

For years now, he has lied about money and our finances. I have been married to him for nearly 25 years and have known for a long time that it wouldn’t last because he constantly lied about everything, especially the money. He hid bills, pretended he paid bills when he didn't, ran up huge credit card debt without my knowledge, and took no responsibility for his actions.

In the beginning, he would be remorseful for the financial train wreck he caused, but for the last few years he just becomes indignant. I stayed home with our 3 kids for years and now I am working full time, but my earning potential is pathetic even though I have a college degree. I’ve finally had enough and will be filing for divorce. I am totally overwhelmed with emotions, problems with my oldest daughter who is 20 and sides with her dad, and freaking out about how to fill out all the paperwork needed to file. He is taking constant loans out of the joint checking with no explanation as to where the money is going and has opened another account in his own name.

I have had my own checking for about 6 months and he was angry I was depositing my check directly into that account because he couldn’t access it. I did this to protect what little money I was making, but am still helping to pay bills.

I am beginning to think he has either a gambling addiction or a sexual addiction and is using the money for some sinister activity. I have become totally distrustful of him over the years and regret I stayed, but came from an abusive family and I guess I felt I didn't deserve better. I have lost everything, my husband, my daughter, and now my sister-in-law who was my best friend and is being fed his lies about what a psycho I am.

I am trudging through mud and trying to deal with all this turmoil and grieving all these losses. It’s hard to keep going on.

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I need help to decide if I should divorce
by: Lara

Hi everyone,
I am 32 years old and have been married for 4 years and have a 2 year old boy. After 2 months of marriage I discovered my husband with gambling issue. In the beginning all his income (we both work full time jobs) was used at the poker tables in addition of using our wedding money ($11,000). I have discovered that he took some amounts from friends and giving checks with an empty account. I had to pay his debts and his loan of $30,000. When I asked for a divorce, he was begging me that this thing will never happen again.

The second year, the same thing happened (in addition of abusing pills) and I gave him a second chance.
I just discovered 3 weeks ago that he had a loan of $20,000 that made us broke before Christmas vacation.

It’s not just about the money; the main issues are the lies and the way he was hiding things about his salary and where all this money has gone. I have been paying all the bills for my son and my house.
Lately he doesn’t show me any respect and doesn’t even look to me for emotional support.

I am very hurt and I feel stupid about how I trusted him. He used me morally and financially.
I need you please to help me do what I need to do because deep in my heart I know that he will never change. He is even trying now to convince me to give him another chance for our son. Please help, I am desperate.

by: Anonymous

I think you are right on the money about an addiction problem. It's like you are describing my life with my husband (20 years). The same issue with my oldest son, it's all Mommy's fault!! But this has been all manipulated from Dad to poison my son's mind against me. But I am confident that once my son gets older and more mature, he will realize the truth of what really happened between Mom and Dad!!

MEN ARE NOT AS STRONG AS WOMEN, and that is why they resort to doing anything NOT TO BE ALONE!!

It was very difficult to leave, especially with no money, but it is the BEST THING I EVER DID FOR MYSELF & THE KIDS. Except the kids do not realize it now, but they will soon when they see Mom taking care of herself and being happier. IF YOU CAN'T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, THEN YOU CAN'T TAKE CARE OF ANYONE ELSE!!!


FAITH protects, HOPE renews, & LOVE strengthens.

He Lied About Money
by: Anonymous

I can sympathize with your plight. I was married to a man for 31 years (still waiting for the divorce to be finalized) who used money to manipulate our entire marriage.

Together, we made $7,000 a month. However, he "direct deposited" my check, managed all of the financial aspects, and lied to me about our assets. He had TWO records in each checking account. The one I saw said we had $49.00 at the end of the week. The ledger he kept in the back said we had $6,000. I thought we were living in poverty. I earned more than he did. Yet, I was never allowed to even know what our assets were.

Money to men like this is all about "control." First, they control your money and how it’s spent, then they control where you go and who you see, and then they control your destiny. Finally, they control your thoughts and decimate your self-esteem.

Bottom line: Men like this will NEVER change. Yes, they will promise you THE MOON if you stay, but that is just another tool used to control you.

Power of a woman!
by: Gale

I so sorry you had to go through that for so long, but that's just how we’re built. The thing is, you are in more control than you know, just give it to god. Sounds kind of corny right? I thought so too, but it really gave me piece. My daughter sided with him too as matter of fact his whole family did. He played them like puppets, but your daughter knows in her heart it’s her dad not you. She side because she knows you’re the back bone of the family,

And she knows her dad is weak, and don't for a minute let him program you. We as women have the power to always say what we feel, and mean what we say. We are the makers of our own destiny Remember, it’s not a man's world anymore, without us there is no them. My Grandma was the one with the back bone and hated when men tried to take women for a ride.

Be glad you are getting out. Don’t think of it as what you lost, think of it as what’s to come once you’re free. Leave the past and look forward to your future; your daughter will follow and respect you more for not judging. And he’ll show his true colors eventually. GOOD LUCK AND YOU’RE NOT ALONE.

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