Escalating Abuse Was The Final Straw

by Katie
(New York)

Should have listened to my gut... I actually broke off our engagement because of his verbal abuse and let myself get suckered into going through with it. We’ve been married for nearly 6 years now.

On top of everyday verbal abuse over dog hair, pasta sauce, cheerios on the floor, baby making a mess when she eats, etc. he also went out of his way to ruin many special occasions such as our wedding day, baby's first day home and my first Mother's Day. 2 weeks before I gave birth I was on my hands and knees assembling furniture while he was on the couch suffering from an acute case of March Madness. He asked me to find other women for him to have sex with.

He quit his job behind my back and when he couldn't get another job he moved us from North Carolina to Michigan this summer so he could go back to school. While he was unemployed he would kick me and baby out of the apartment every day so he could watch online porn. He got rid of baby's crib, insisted I continue to nurse overnight even though pediatrician said not to... of course she fell off the bed he put her in and has developed sleep problems. He has been very controlling (physical, emotional, financial).

Physical abuse has escalated since July. Last straw was Oct. 6, when he put our daughter in the middle of it. He started yelling about toothbrushes, ripped up one of our daughter's books, and then slammed a door into my torso and held it shut so I was pinned in the doorway.... he had her in his arms the entire time and she was crying "Mommy" and he refused to let me hold her. Then he called me "crazy" and "f@#ked in the head". He taunted me saying "Are you going to the police again to tell them I battered you?"

Then he demanded I withdraw $500 out of my $3200 account so he could get his car repaired. This guy is sitting on $70,000! I withdrew the $$$, but took it back when he wasn't looking. I left with daughter and the dog the next morning, and ended up going out of state to my parents' house and have been awarded temporary physical custody until a further hearing is held.

Ongoing custody and visitation will be a challenge, finding work in this economy is tough, living with my parents is embarrassing... but I REFUSE to expose my daughter to his craziness anymore.

As difficult as this has been, it is easy in one important way... I dropped 185 lbs. of nastiness and it feels GREAT!!! I am optimistic about mine and my daughter's futures and have many reasons to smile. :-)

Comments for Escalating Abuse Was The Final Straw

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His verbal abuse escalated into physical violence
by: Anonymous

My marriage of 15 years ended 2 years ago. Looking back I can see how his violent temper and abuse escalated. It took a long time so it was difficult to see. When it cumulated in having marks on me, I knew it was time to leave.

Three years ago, I started some businesses because I knew I would eventually be alone, raising my kids by myself. I knew that when I finally ended the marriage he would balk at paying anything for his kids.

Everything I thought has proved to be wrong. There is so much that I wish I had done differently when filing for divorce; I am happy to share what I know with anyone who doesn't. While I realize that divorce is different for everyone, the things that I have been through have totally blown me away.

I am appalled that after everything he put me and my kids through I still have to answer to him. Had I been educated more on what would happen, I wouldn't be here or doing this.

Like Boiling a Frog
by: Sue

I've had to put up with the controlling behavior, verbal and physical abuse, infidelity, insanity, and more. My ex changed over the years. Not just a little. He went a little bit nuts. He was diagnosed with a personality disorder, but not until after years of verbal abuse and controlling behavior. But it was like boiling a frog. It took me a while to realize the water was getting hot, and that I needed to hop out. Then I found out he wasn't exactly faithful, either. Still, I tried to get him professional help. But he wouldn't do it. Finally, he started hurting the kids, so that was the last straw. One nice thing is that I didn't have to kick him out of the house (he wouldn't have gone, anyway), because the police did that for me.

Escalating Abuse Was the Final Straw
by: Anonymous

Hello,

I am so sorry for your problems. However, I must applaud your courage. I know this is not an easy road, but you have made the right decision for both you and your daughter. Regardless of the problems which lie ahead on this journey, always remember that you have saved HER from being a victim of abuse, too.

As for your parents, don't be embarrassed for seeking help. All of us in this divorce process need help, and there are many who care about us. I am often surprised by how much so many people care for me. You see, I wasn't valued as a person or as a woman in my marriage. I suppose I forgot how to value myself. Other people are helping me to recognize my worth and my potential. After all, that's why you're here, isn't it? You need support. This is a great place to seek it.

Keep moving forward. Someday, there will be peace and happiness. Someday, you, too, will realize your worth.

I wish you all the best along life's journey.

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