Divorce and Dating PlaybookYou've gotten past the divorce and dating someone new seems like a possibility you'd like to consider, but where do you even start? If you've taken a long vacation from the dating scene, it can be daunting to even think about going out on a date. You may be wondering what's changed since you quit dating the first time, where do you go to meet men, or how you should act when you are out on a date? If these thoughts have crossed your mind, the following article can help guide you into re-entering the dating scene. The Divorce and Dating Playbook
So, what am I doing here? This is what went through my mind on my first post-divorce date. And as I went on a few more, I began to wonder how many times I would have to answer the question "So, what's your story?" Story? What story? I didn't know that I had a story…as a matter of fact. I didn't even know what my own story was!
These had become some of the things that now went through my mind as I entered dating as a "divorced" woman! There was no one to consult…my friends did not have to date, they had husbands. I would have to come up with a playbook of my own. A divorce and dating playbook…with rules and plays and strategies. It would take time to develop and many, many experiences…both funny and pathetic. Why couldn't we just bypass the "what's your story" question and pretend that we already knew each other? I just didn't feel like summing up the past 15 years of my life in a short answer to one "simple" question. So, here are the top 10 plays in my Divorce and Dating Playbook. Feel free to add, modify and define your own playbook as you move into this new and what will be a wonderful time in your life. 1. Be what you want to attract Before you are ready to date, take the time you need to identify everything that you want in a new relationship. Now, the hard part, ask the question "Am I all of the things that I want in a new partner and relationship?" If the answer is no, then that is where you need to begin. It is absolutely true that you WILL attract that which you put out there. So, be honest and look inward before you start searching out there! 2. Online dating IS part of the dating mix No, there was no such thing as online dating when you got married…but,
there is now! As much as we don't want to admit it…given our time, energy and
commitments as divorced women…we don't have a lot of time to devote to dating.
As well, since our lives revolve around work, the supermarket and our children's
school and social calendars…we may never have the chance to meet a new guy.
So, get on the computer and create an online profile that reflects what you want
to attract and selectively choose men who meet your criteria. There is a big and
beautiful world of people out there! Try Perfectmatch.com - The Best Approach to Finding the Right Person for You.
3. Sex The dreaded "S" word. Who said dreaded? Sex is great and it's great rediscovering it the second time around! This is the time for you to get to know yourself sexually. If it is not a comfortable subject for you, make this a time to take it up as a "hobby". Read about it, work with someone who can help you define your own sense of sensuality and become comfortable with your own body and sexual exploration. Make it fun, playful and a vital part of who are becoming. Then, take control. You decide if and when you want to have sex with a new partner or not. You create the rules and boundaries. It's your life and your body…enjoy! 4. Laser Hair Removal Not much more to say here. Laser hair beats shaving…hands down! 5. No Divorce Drunk Driving No one ever told me that after you get divorced you have to drive YOURSELF home at the end of a night out! I always had a husband to drive me home after a glass or two of wine. Now, there I was, a bit "tipsy" and no driver! Where was the "D" Cab when I needed it? Wasn't there some kind of divorced late night carpool that I could be a part of? So, here is all I have to say, "BE CAREFUL, DON'T DRIVE DRUNK"! You, your children and your future are far too important to make a mistake like driving drunk. 6. Dating Networking You are now your own new business and you are the only employee. So, you need to develop a sales team! A team that will highlight your amazing qualities, features and benefits! A team that has your sales goals in mind…and by the way, you only need one great sale. Therefore, you need to network. You need to let your friends, family, colleagues, and anyone else that you meet know that you are ready to date and open to meeting new people. Go to social and professional networking events and share your new venture with everyone! You never know where and when you will meet someone! 7. You've got to kiss a lot of frogs…. This brings me to my next point….you've go to kiss a lot of frogs! Each date is an opportunity to meet a new person, friend, acquaintance. Every date will NOT be THE ONE. Find a way to enjoy meeting new people. Expand your network. Begin to learn to appreciate each date's good qualities and remember…you don't have to go out with him a second time. But, be polite…you never know who he knows! 8. Creating Your Story This is one of the most important plays in the book! It goes back to "be what you want to attract". No one…not friends, DATES, colleagues, family….want to hear bad mouthing, bitter, resentful and victimized comments and conversations. This is an important time to manage and control your emotions, comments and conversations. Stay focused on the positive and on the forward momentum your life is taking. This is not to say that you can't be realistic and share what you have learned from your past relationships, but name calling, bitter and an unpleasant "story" is a sure way to never get a callback! Create your STORY! Make it what you want your life to be in the future. The past is over, the future is yours to create! 9. Red Flags Red flags are exactly what they seem, RED FLAGS! Recognize them. If it doesn't seem right…it usually isn't. You didn't change your ex-husband, you are not going to change another person either. There are so many wonderful people in the world…you don't need to "overlook" those things you don't like. Be aware of your connections to people and be honest about what your experiences are. You want to make good choices and manifest what you really want in your life and relationships. 10. Be your glorious you! You are bold, brave and beautiful! You have taken steps to move forward in your life and you hold the playbook! Play fair, play honest and play big! And don't forget to have fun. Good luck! Return to the top of Divorce and Dating Copyright 2008 by Laura Campbell, Life Transition Coach and the founder of The D Spot. The D Spot is dedicated to helping women regroup, renew and reinvent themselves before, during and after divorce. Laura's expertise is in helping women find balance in their lives, to view their divorce as a journey, and reconnecting to who they are. She coaches, speaks, and teaches on how woman can renew their spirit and life goals to create the life they are meant to lead. Her practice, online community and dedicated divorce resource network will all be found at www.discoverthedspot.com. If you need more divorce and dating tips, the following articles can give you some more inspiration: Dating After Divorce Divorce Process
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