When your adult children divorce, it's hard to remain objective. After all, your child is hurting. Just how involved should you get? Read below for some suggestions.
Annie's Question: My daughter's husband walked out on her the other night and said he wanted a divorce. The next morning, he went to see a lawyer. Because she loves him so much she is going to let him handle everything because he said he would still help her. They have 2 children (6 &9) and the rent on their townhouse is $1200.00 a month. What can I say to her, or do for her, so that she can get it in her head that she needs to look out for herself and her children? Please, I need answers fast
You have the true heart of a loving Mom! A Mom who wants her children to be happy, healthy, and whole and I know you want to protect her from all the hurts. It is hard to be the one to watch the pain and struggles that our children sometimes do have to face. My heart is with you.
Right now, your main challenge is a balancing act. It is the balance of supporting your daughter as she is truly hurting right now and the confusion and fear that comes with such news is very overwhelming, AND empowering her to find the strength within her to make wise decisions and stand up for herself against the man she pledged to love forever. Both are necessary!
My best suggestion right now is for you to be very careful of your words, tone, and attitude. Keep in mind these two words - love and empower. Tell her over and over how much she is loved, how wonderful she still is, and how strong she is. Remind her of her strength in having and raising her children. Empower her that while this is really a hard time, she has faced hard times before and she can do it again. And lovingly challenge her to take care of herself so that she will be able to continue to take care of her children in the best way she can.
The best and worst part about divorce is that it does take time. Try not to feel pressured that she has to make some of these decisions right now. She has time, and she has a secret weapon all her own - a loving, supportive Mom!
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